It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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