There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
