forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You ruined the universe
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
