i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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