I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
