i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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