Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
