I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize