Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
