He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
