I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
