So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
