Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
