Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
