Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
