It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
