But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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