Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
