I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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