i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
