Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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