dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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