Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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