mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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