And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
