It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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