I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
