Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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