he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
