Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
