I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
