apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
