That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize