the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
