dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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