Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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