operation harelip BJ is a go
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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