This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
