last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
