Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
