Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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