I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
