Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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