sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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