i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
