i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
