She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
