i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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