my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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