He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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