what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
