were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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