I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
