nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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