Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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