No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
